Page 78

Dan’s Papers August 26, 2011 danshamptons.com Page 78


And you think your day was bad... “Reuters Fri, Aug 19, 2011, Jussi Rosendahl Reporter, Ferry Runs Aground After Captain Stuck in Toilet HELSINKI—A Finnish ferry has run aground while its captain was stuck in the bathroom. One member of staff managed to slow the island-hopping tourist ferry down, but the vessel, carrying 54 passengers, slammed onto a rock near the shore of Helsinki, the Finnish coastguard said Friday.... The captain got stuck in the bathroom because of a jammed lock and yelled for help....The coastguard is

investigating whether the captain’s action amounted to criminal endangerment....” “Hello, Sea Queen Wheelhouse, dis is Olaf speaking.” “Olaf, dis is yew captain, I’m stuck in the bathroom. I can’t get out. Send somebody come and get me.” “Is dis a yoke? Who is dis really? I gonna get the captain.” “No, I’m not yoking, Olaf!  Dis is yew captain. Yew don’t recognize my voice?” “Vell, yew never call me from the bathroom. Always yew call me on de deck, and yew don’t never call me Olaf, always you call me ‘Godammit.’” “Godammit, Olaf, dis is the captain. Send Sven to the bathroom to get me out!!!” “Oh yah, now yew sound like de captain. Listen, I bring dis phone to Sven. Hold on a minute, I tink he’s taking a ticket.” “Hello, dis is Sven, how may I help yew?” “Sven, it’s de captain. I’m stuck in the bathroom, I can’t get out. Get the fire axe, come quick!” “Ya, Captain, I’m glad yew called. Ve vas vorried, because, yew know the boat is heading for the yetty. Yew should turn the boat now.” “I vill turn the boat as soon as yew get me out!”

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“Okay, Olaf and me is coming now. Yew just stay dere.” “Inga? It’s Jan. I’m stuck in the bathroom, ya, on the boat. Sven and Olaf is coming now to get me, but I’m vorried. Look in yew computer, find the phone for dat little ferry—runs in New York to the little island. Call them, ask them vat they do in a case like dis, and call me back. Ya, I love yew too.” “Hello, Inga? Did you reach the little ferry? Da Shelter ferry, ya, dats the one. Speak louder, Sven is chopping my door now.  Vat did day say?  Vat? Why didn’t I yust pee off the back of the boat? Ya, sure, easy fer them to say. Call them back, ask if dey know how cold is Finland? If a man pee off the boat here, his little friend freeze and break off—dats why!” Later That Day “But why am I charged with endangering the passengers? Ya, vell, Sven vas running with an axe through the boat—but he vas saving me! I don’t know he vas vearing his Viking Helmet and yelling!  Ya, vell, he gets a little excited. Yew don’t get to be a super hero on a ferry everyday!


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